It's safe to say last weekend wasn't my average weekend. Whilst I've made a point of being more active and doing more things with my free time more recently, it's safe to say that running 26.2 miles around the streets of our capital wasn't initially what I had in mind!
Before I go into a bit more detail about the weekend itself in another post, I wanted to revisit where this mad idea came from. I briefly touched upon the topic when I wrote my first blog post about the London Marathon back in November, when the idea of running it seemed a good one, but I wanted to provide some further background.
From as young as I can remember, I have always struggled to control my brain. Things that other kids seemed to take in their stride, be it sleepovers, evenings out or simply going to school were at times a struggle for me. You see, I overthink things (as any AS-level psychology student could have told me if they've ever read my blog posts), reading far too much into any situation and seeing only the negatives. During my childhood, I was never diagnosed with any condition, with doctors often explaining it away as 'homesickness'. It is certainly true that my worst times were at particularly stressful moments - upcoming exams and my parents' divorce are two such examples, one considerably more stressful than the other, I do admit!
Over the years, I've found coping mechanisms and ways to alleviate some of my symptoms, but I've never been able to lead what many describe as a 'normal' life (though I am cynical enough to suggest that such a thing doesn't exist). As a result of this, I have often found it far too easy to isolate myself, with genuine friendships seemingly more difficult to build during my school (and particularly, university) years.
Apologies for the short insight into my clearly screwed-up psychology, but it is pertinent to my motivation for the London Marathon for two reasons. The first is simple; if there was any part of me that would have backed out of the challenge, it evaporated when I found out that Mind had places to run. As I mentioned in my earlier post, I have had family and close friends heavily affected by mental illness, and with my own personal connection, I felt this was an opportunity I couldn't miss.
For those of you that don't know, Mind offers support and guidance to any of the one in four people in the UK that suffer from a mental health problem, ranging from anxiety and depression to severe schizophrenia. In 2015 alone, the charity directly contacted 375,000 people through its local services, with thousands more either phoning its helplines or visiting one of its 150 sites across the country. Without doubt, the charity has saved countless lives, and while there may not be specific statistics that we can point to like survival rates for diseases, that is what makes the health problems Mind deals with all the more dangerous.
For those affected or interested to find out more, visit their website at http://mind.org.uk/. In addition, if you'd like to make a donation, visit my JustGiving page at http://justgiving.com/ANDREW-HAYWOOD3.
The second reason was much more personal. As I mentioned earlier, I have always dealt with stressful situations in my personal life quite badly, overthinking every eventuality and tending to opt for the 'plan for the worst' option, rather than just enjoying the now. This thought process, coupled with some confidence issues, led to the break-up of my only proper relationship. Lasting five and a half years, I had always thought this would be it. And like an idiot, I spent a long time planning the future (buying a house and all the normal stuff that follows) and thinking about things that could go wrong, and neglected what really mattered. Suffice it to say, the end affected me significantly, and nearly two years on, continues to do so every day.
Over the last eighteen months, I have had lower days than I ever thought possible, and have been fortunate enough to rely on my family for support. This has formed the foundation of my change in mentality, taking more chances and spending more time focusing on things to do now and less on the future. While this hasn't been enough to get me back what I lost, I hope it will make me happy in the long run, and has enabled me to do things I never thought possible.
Hence the London Marathon. I wanted to set myself a challenge that I could work towards, and a focus that would take my mindset away from overthinking in a negative way and channel it into something positive. The training was an enormous challenge, and getting out of the house for 8:30am on a Sunday morning for an 18 mile run was certainly among one the toughest moments, but knowing there was a bigger challenge to work towards was the key motivation, and really kept me going through the tough times, either during training or other areas of my life.
I'm sorry to those reading this post, getting to the end and thinking 'what was the point of that?' This has certainly been a cathartic experience for me, and has given me a platform to really describe, maybe even to myself, exactly why I took this on. I guess my point is simply this: it doesn't matter who you are or how bad you feel, there is always someone there to help you. And on a secondary note, that even when you feel at the bottom of a dark pit, you can still achieve more than you thought possible.
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